WARNING: This is
satire.
QN: AS HEAD OF STATE,
IS IT OKAY TO DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM THE ONGOING LIFTING OF AGE LIMIT DEBATE?
The age limit is not as important as the presidential term
limit which we smoothly lifted in 2005. At the right time we shall definitely
lift the age limit. What is going on now is just a test of the 'depth of the
waters'. Those opposed to the idea don't
have the capacity to stop us just as they did not have the capacity to do so in
2005. On our part, in 2005 we used the
financial muscle, just five million shillings to each MP. Now, twelve years down the road, we have also added
the gun muscle. Therefore, in terms of achieving our designs, with these two
tools, the sky is the limit. Moreover,
in terms of credibility, the current parliamentarians are not as credible as
those of 2005. There is no cause for alarm, we shall go over it. As for the clobbering of MP Simeo Nsubuga
during the Kabaka's coronation in Mubende, I only have him to blame for trying
to be more Catholic than the Pope. Some
of these people need to check their level of excitement moreover even
Ssebasajja was smiling at the dramatic attack.
QN: WHAT IS YOUR TAKE
ON THE LAND AMMENDMENT BILL WHICH IS GENERATING STIFF RESISTANCE FROM UGANDANS?
Our long term strategy is to land in the countryside in the
hands of big plantation owners and diary farmers. For the diary farms, we already have the
traditional pastrolist communities including what the misguided elements call
Balaalo. We are in the process of
organising them into associations so that they can access loans from UDB which
we are soon capitalising. For the big
commercial plantations, we need external investors who come with their capital
and we give them free land. BIDCO in
Kalangala, Sugarcane in Amuru, Tobacco in West Nile are some of such
plantations. That way we shall see the majority of the population voluntarily
moving to urban centres leaving only those working on the diary farms and
plantations in the countryside. With the
biting poverty, the majority of the population will have to part with their
land. There are many ways of overcoming this semblance of resistance. One such
way is by creating a security situation that will see the evacuation of locals
and establishment of a security installation on the target land. Once that is
achieved, afterwards the army can give way to an investor by moving away. Moreover, the law on acquisition of land is in
our favour.
Traditionally, our country is composed of communities which
are identified with a specific geographical area. Buganda for Baganda, Teso for Iteso, Busoga
for Basoga, Bunyoro for Banyoro and many others. The 1995 constitution created
a community called Banyarwanda but they don't have a specific geographical
area. This is one of the issues which
the proposed amendment intends to cure. On
the other hand, the stagnation of the Eastern Congo project (M23) is partly
responsible for the pressure on land.
Otherwise, these so called Balaalo would be peacefully settled in the
cattle corridor of Eastern Congo.
QN: WHAT MEASURES DO
YOU INTEND TO INITIATE TO CURB THE SKYROCKETING REFUGEE NUMBERS?
The presence of refugees in Uganda is a blessing from God;
it’s a big economic resource. During the
recent refugee summit that we hosted, millions of foreign exchange were
generated within a matter of a few hours. Which developing country would not tap into
such an opportunity! We smiled when we
saw some neighbouring countries expelling refugees and no doubt they must be
regretting.
As for numbers, it’s not a problem at all and if anything,
we would wish to have more and more. We pray that the political situation in our
neighbouring countries compels more refugees to flee to Uganda. We have a
guarantee from South Sudan and if all goes well we expect some from Kenya in a
few days’ time. The presence of refugees puts us on the world map while at the
same time neutralizing the negative publicity about us. The UN Secretary
General was here not for the rigged elections and torture in Nalufenya but for
humanitarian reasons to do with refugees. Since the struggle for independence,
refugees have been part and parcel of our body politic. From patriots like John
Kalekyezi, the father of our head of police, the Banyarwanda refugees who
sustained the Iddi Amin regime by serving in security agencies, to our Bush War
where Banyarwanda refugees formed the core of the fighters. The current
president of Rwanda who had been our top intelligence chief and almost his
entire government team grew up here as refugees.
QN: DO YOU INTEND TO
WITHDRAW YOUR TROOPS FROM SOMALIA IN LIGHT OF THE RECENT LOSS OF LIFE?
We have no intention of withdrawing from Somalia because
just like the refugee scheme, the Somali peace keeping mission is outing us on
the world map. It has helped us tame Western Imperialism and their usual arrogance.
In the 1990s, they were defeated and ejected from Somalia and we have succeeded
where they failed. Since they are so obsessed with the control of the so called
Islamic Fundamentalism/global terrorism, they have no alternative but not to
interfere in our internal governance for the sake of the Somali Mission. Actually,
I am wondering as to why Trump has not called me to express his condolences and
commitment to support us!
The amount of foreign exchange of military aid generated by
our presence in Somalia is enormous. The mission has eased the welfare pressure
of our troops; the monthly pay for our ordinary soldier in Somalia is
equivalent to the monthly pay of two Generals in Uganda. For the twelve soldiers who were recently
killed in Somalia, the country and their families in particular registered an
income of US $600,000 in compensation.
QN: WHAT IS THE
SIGNIFICANCE OF THE KENYA AND RWANDA ELECTRAL PROCESS ON UGANDA?
There is a likelihood of absence of election violence in
Kenya because the top leaders are fearing to incite the voters. However, they
may be some low level skirmishes which may bring us refugees. My only worry is
that the process may threaten the future of the EAC. Owing to our history, I
would not wish to see a Raila Odinga victory.
For Rwanda, in 1959 the so-called Hutu Revolution chased
Tutsi from power. Fortunately, the world
sided with the exiled Tutsis and thirty years later they were able to regain
power from the Hutu. The world has turned its back on the Hutu including those
who were either babies or not yet born at the time of the 1994 Genocide. Since
the Hutu are not as lucky as the Tutsi, they have had to adopt total submission
thus what you call overwhelming support for the RPF and Kagame in particular. The RPF candidate, Kagame, the Green Party
candidate, Frank Habineza, and a one Ssekikubo who pulled out of the polls had all
been here as Ugandans. What about our
own Kin Kaliisa whose son is named Gisa (after Gen. Fred Gisa Rwigyema) and he
deployed his NBS Television to cover the elections whose Chairman of the
Electoral Commission is Prof. Kaliisa Mbanda!
Therefore, what you call elections in Rwanda is actually a kind of
victory parade for some section of Rwandese. Therefore, it’s wrong to admire
the so-called stability and good governance in some of these countries but for
those who wish to, we are steadily getting to that.
QN: FINALLY, WHATS
YOUR COMMENT ON THE HOIMA -TANGA PIPELINE?
Maybe you didn't get your biology right. Just like the umbilical cord connects the
mother and the foetus in the womb, the pipeline connects Uganda and Tanzania.
You recall initially the pipeline was supposed to go through Kenya during the
Coalition of the Willing whereby we had isolated Tanzania. We later realised that we need Tanzania more
than we do with Kenya. Therefore, the pipeline is our "KOGIKWATAKO"
(dare touch it). It’s not by accident
that we launched it from Tanga instead of the source in Hoima.
INFORMATION IS POWER AND DEFIANCE IS THE WAY TO GO.
change of guards blog
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