UGANDA: Museveni gives insight into state of nation - 1st quarter of 2018

WARNING:    This is satire by CHANGE OF GUARDS

Qn:   WHATS YOUR TAKE ON THE FIRST QUARTER OF THE YEAR BEING DOMINATED BY INSECURITY?

Ans:   Those isolated incidents of killings and kidnaps don't amount to insecurity because they don't threaten our hold on power.  It can only be termed as insecurity if they were targeting government infrastructure like security installations and personnel, government officials and party members.

Qn:   BUT DONT THOSE SO CALLED ISOLATED INCIDENTS POSE A CHALLENGE TO GOVERNMENT'S CREDIBILITY IN PROTECTING THE LIVES AND PROPERTY OF CITIZENS?

Ans:   Not at all; because its usually a temporary situation. If you had bothered to carry out some research, you would have noted that such incidents are heightened ether during an election season, when there is a security related bill before Parliament, opposition fujjo (activism), or budget season.  Technically we call them 'catalysts' because they make it easy for us to push through our agendas. We have just secured with ease hundreds of billions meant for procurement of CCTV cameras.  Otherwise how else would we justify the ever huge defence and security budget though its not open to public scrutiny.

Qn:   HOW DO THE PERTRATORS IF THE SO CALLED ISOLATED UNCIDENTS BENEFIT?

Ans:   Do you know who they are?  Do you know why in most instances they have seemed to confidently outwit security agencies?

Qn:  WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO SACK THE FORMER POLICE CHIEF KALEKYEZI?

Ans:   There us no way any sensible revolutionary leader could sack such a man who served the revolution with dedication.  What happened was just the usual mere change of guards and the status quo remains the same.  However, Kale had ventured into familiarising with Rwanda.

Qn:  HOW COMES HIS SUCCESSORS HAVE EMBARKED ON DISMANTLING HIS SCHEMES LIKE THE CLOSURE OF THE INFAMOUS TORTURE FACILITY AT NALUFENYA?

Ans:  In the military we call that 'change of position'.  When the enemy fire is concentrated on your position, you roll away and find another safer position.  Our detractors increasingly attacked us over Nalufenya and we had to change position.  The allegations of torture are as old as our hold on power; actually, right from the time of the Bush War.  Haven't you ever had of Kafuuni, Kandooya etc.; are they associated with Nalufenya!  You find gullible Ugandans singing close Nalufenya, close of Nalufenya; yet no one is saying stop torture.  Torture is a mechanism for extracting information from suspects and is not restricted to Nalufenya thus the change of position. Just gullible idiots.

Qn:   HAVE YOU NOW IRONED OUT YOUR DIFFERENCES WITH RWANDA?

Ans:   We had differences with the past Hutu dominated regime that lost power in 1994.  We have never and will never have any differences with the current regime in Rwanda. They helped us capture power here in 1986 and we in return helped them capture power in Rwanda in 1994.  We shall continue helping each other to retain this power in our respective countries.  The so-called differences are in the minds of those who don't understand the historical aspect of our relationship.  I challenge any one of our opposition members who believes we have serious differences with Rwanda to flee and seek refuge there!

Qn:   WHAT CONTIGENCE PLANS DO YOU HAVE FOR THE INSECURITY FROM SOUTH SUDAN THAT IS SPILLING OVER OUR BORDER?

Ans:   There is more than mere insecurity spillovers as you term it.  Our security attention is more focused on South Sudan than anything else.  How comes the so-called spillover coincides with the greater Northern Uganda threatening to secede?  You recall the Acholi lady whom we arrested with arms on her way from Juba to Kampala?  What about Rev (Rtd Capt.) Baka from West Nile who is on remand over treasonous charges?  Anyway, I sent Gen. Ali and the CMI to Juba and more follow-up interactions are progressing well.  Overall, a stable South Sudan is more dangerous to our strategic interests more than does an unstable one.

Qn:   ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT YOU HAVE A HAND IN SOUTH SUDAN'S INSTABILITY?

Ans:   Do you know what it means to be a regional military power?  Besides the political interest, there us a lot of donor aid that is given to Sudan which government officials steal and it ends up boosting our real estate development, schools, and the hospitality industry in Kampala.  What about the direct donor aid that come with the over a million refugees that we are hosting?

Qn:  YOUR SECURITY AGENCIES ARE LINKING THE SPATE IF KILLINGS IN THE CIUNTEYBTO REBEL ADF YET IN DECEMBER 2017 YOUR FORCES CLAIMED TO HAVE DESTROYED THE ADF BASES IN EASTERN CONGO.

Ans:   ADF exists because we exist; we co exist.  There is a time we used to co-exist with the LRA in northern Uganda until when they amassed some strength that threatened our status quo.  Otherwise, how else would you expect us to fit into the global anti-terrorism agenda.

Qn:    BUT UGANDAN MUSLIMS ARE THE VICTMS OF THE SO-CALLED CO-EXISTENCE; WHY PERSECUTE THEM?

Ans:  Its a global trend and we can't afford to miss the exhibition.  It goes back to the issue of the huge defence and security budget.  Otherwise, what else would have given us the prestigious tittle of "Regional Ally".

Qn:   DO YOU SEE THE CONTNUED INSTABILITY IN BURUNDI HAVING AN EFFECT ON THE REGION?

Ans:   A positive effect; we are to continue receiving and hosting Burundian refugees.  Though we don't share a border with Burundi, we have put in place conducive policies that attract refugees.  Unlike our other neighbors, we tap into the economic and diplomatic benefits that come with hosting of refugees.

Qn:  WILL EAC REIGN ON NKURUNZIZA'S MOVE TO EXTEND HIS TERM OF OFFICE?

Ans:   We lack the moral authority to caution Burundi because we have committed worst mistakes than Nkurunziza.  In the first instance, the core objective of EAC is to politically and diplomatically protect each other.  For Uganda, our strategic interest in EAC is the military cooperation in order to avoid a repeat of what befell Iddi Amin from Tanzania in 1979. 

Qn:   WHY DID YOU PANIC WHEN THE UN THREATENED TO RELOCATE ITS LOGISTICAL BASE TO NAIROBI?

Ans:    God brought us the UN base next to State House and Entebbe Airport in Entebbe.  In terms of security, we benefit from its advanced technological defense system.  Therefore, by relocating to Nairobi, State House and the Airport would be left uninsulated.  Just forget about the so called economic benefits.

Qn:   DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT THE SEAT OF THE PRESIDENT RELIES ON UN SECURITY?

Ans:  Do you know what NATO did to Ghadafi in Sirte and Tripoli?

Qn:  WHEN WILL YOUR FORCES WITHDRAW FROM SOMALIA?

Ans:    Do you know how much forex that our 11 years stay in Somalia has generated?  How else would we have handled the individual welfare of our soldiers?  Without the Somalia mission, we wouldn't have managed to counter the blackmail by the west.  Well, they threatened to relocate the UN base but can they relocate the regional conflicts and the accruing refugee influx to Uganda?  We are ahead of these idiots.

Qn:   HOW ARE YOU COPING WITH A BANKRUPT ECONOMY?

Ans:   Our economy is at its best.  You saw the 5billion shillings that we splashed to SACCOS in Rukungiri district alone last month.  Is that a sign of bankruptcy?

Qn:    YOU INTEND TO BRING IN CUBAN DOCTORS FOR THE AILING HEALTH SECTOR; WILL YOU ALSO BRING CUBAN TEACHERS?

Ans:    Hiring of Cuban Doctors is unsustainable; we only intended to blackmail our unpatriotic Doctors into submission.  In the Ministry of Defence, we have always engaged a certain Dr. Kassim for over two decades now and its very expensive.  The development is similar to the other day when we threatened to deploy non- existent military Doctors.  We suspect the opposition had infiltrated the medical community through Dr. Obuku.  If we can succeed in getting the Tumwesigyes, Byamugishas, Atwines, Ampires, Tumushabes or at best the Mukasas, Mutebi, Mubiru etc. at the leadership of the medical workers association, the situation will improve.   For the education sector, no one can lose his life due to lack of education.  Quality education should be for only those who can afford it.

Qn:    GEN. SALEH SAYS SOLDIERS HAVE MISMANAGED OWC.

Ans:   Saleh can't evaluate the success or failure of OWC because he doesn't understand the purpose for which it was set up.  Otherwise he ought to ask himself as to why I sacked him from the Ministry of Microfinance.  How different is OWC from microfinance?

Qn:   IS CORRUPTION HERE TO STAY?

Ans:  We have been struggling to create a middle-income society.  What you call corruption is actually wealth creation and distribution.  The magnificent residential houses, shopping malls and arcades, and housing estates are as a result of what you call corruption.  We are now at the phase of creating large commercial farmers and farms from the so-called land grabbing by those who obtain the money from what you call corruption.  Once we get this middle-income society, the rest of the citizens can be dependants on the former.  Already the Cattle Corridor is moving ahead of the rest of the country in this regard.  Through what you call corruption we have managed a built a formidable cadre force comprised of both civilian and security officers who are ready to defend the revolution at all cost.

Qn:    HOW WILL YOU RESPOND IN CASE THE CONSTITUTIONAL COURT RULES AGAINST YOUR AGE LIMIT SCEME?

Ans:    Forget about the petition; it was passed into law and that's all.  The Justices of the Constitutional Court are appointed by the same government that is being challenged.  We have overcome similar and more serious petitions in the past.  So, don't worry about that; it was settled the day the constitution gave us powers to appoint Justices.  In fact, we are soon turning the party constitution into the national constitution.

Qn:   WAS THERE SOME UNDERSTANDING WITH THE OPPOSITION BEFORE THEY ABANDONED PURSUANCE OF THE LINE OF STREET PROTESTS?

Ans:   There is no way we can enter into any kind of understanding with fujo (trouble causers).  What happened is that Besigye and group just realised that Ugandans are cowards who can't withstand our resolve to suppress them with our sustained fire and teargas.  We don't think the Besigyes have achieved the success to the kevel of Zimbabwe's MDC which came close to power but couldn’t take it because it had no guns.  In our case, the opposition is no where near that.  We are waiting for them to as usual accompany us to the polls I. 2021.

Ans:    DID UGANDANS BECOME COWARDS AFTER SUPPORTING YOUR BUSH WAR?

Ans:    Nooo, forget about that rhetoric of "the people".  We were skilled in exploiting situations and manipulating victims.  First, there was this artificial hatred for Obote by the Baganda. Our initial concern had been the pro Buganda rebel groups under Prof. Lule and Kayiira but we neutralized them at an early stage.  Then there was the infant UNLA that was manipulates by the DP and the Catholic Church into overthrowing Obote and his UPC government.  Our final task was how to manipulate and pick up the remnants of UNLA and use them to overthrow the Okellos.  Therefore, forget about those rhetorics of a people’s struggle; it was just the upper hand in manipulation skills and the gun.  It is the same way we have managed to retain power for the last 32 years.

On:  ARE YOU NOT CONCERNED THAT THE EVIDENCE FROM THE LAND PROBE COMMITTEE POINTS AT STATE HOUSE, SECURITY OFFICERS AND GOVT OFFICERS AS THE LEADING LAND GRABBERS?

Ans:   That's what it means to capture and retain power for 32 years.  In the military we call it "retaining or holding ground" as opposed to "loosing ground".  That is the mistake that past governments made when those who were supposed to maintain it in power had nothing personal to lose.  As I pointed out earlier, what you term as corruption, the so-called land grabbing is also part of the drive towards a middle-income society.  It is the so called corrupt that have the means and resources (power, influence, cash, guns etc.) to acquire land.  Since land can't be taken away, those who are losing it now will have their children and descendants work on the commercial farms that will be set up. 

Qn:    BUT DOES IT NOT SEND A BAD IMAGE ON THE GOVERNMENT?

Ans:    Which image!   We are not here to draw images.  To effectively control people politically, you must dominate their economic means.  Has the committee stopped what you call land grabbing?  Is anyone in court out of all those that were ordered to be arrested by the committee?  We shall continue extending its term as a way of buying time while those with the means continue to acquire more land.

Qn:     IS IT TRUE THAT BOTH THE LAND GRABBING AND PROBE IS TARGETING BUGANDA KINGDOM?

Ans:   Which Buganda Kingdom?  Uganda is a republic and you have a kingdom in a republic!!!   We are on good terms with Mutebi because he learnt lessons and can’t risk what befell his father in 1966.  We reinstated these so-called kingdoms but times have changed and I don't think we still need them.

Qn:     FINALLY, WILL YOU SEEK ANOTHER TERM IN 2021?

Ans:    Gen. Muhoozi is undergoing an induction for that role and he has all that it takes to take up the mantle of power -  he has the backing of security forces.

END.